WOMAN BREAKS UP WITH BOYFRIEND BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WIPE HIS BUTT

New York Post

 

I dumped my disgusting boyfriend because he refused to wipe his butt — it made me physically sick to be near him

By Brooke Steinberg

Published Aug. 13, 2025, 1:25 p.m. ET

 

One exasperated woman is wiped out after a crappy confrontation with her butthole of a boyfriend.

 

A Reddit user took to the website’s “Am I The A–hole?” forum to ask if she was in the wrong for telling her boyfriend she would break up with him “if he doesn’t start wiping his butt.”

 

The original post on June 13 had in fact been removed by a moderator — but not before the (unfortunately) unforgettable anecdote was shared in the Best of Redditor Updates page.

 

The 26-year-old woman stated that she had been steady with her boyfriend, then 27, for approximately nine months before they decided to shack up together.

 

After nearly a year together, things had been good between the pair, she said, except for one “really gross, ridiculous problem.”

 

Within the first few months of sharing a space, the woman noticed that her boyfriend never had toilet paper in his bathroom, noting that they have a two-bathroom setup and they use separate ones most of the time.

 

“I figured maybe he used wipes or something else,” she wrote. “But then I started noticing smells. Like, awful smells. Sometimes his laundry would stink in a very specific way. I thought maybe it was just bad hygiene in general, so I brought it up.”

 

The poster said that her boyfriend got defensive and told her to “drop it.”

 

“Eventually, after too many suspiciously stained boxers and just a level of funk no grown man should be walking around with, I asked him point-blank: “Do you wipe after you poop?”

 

According to her, the boyfriend shrugged and said, “Nah, wiping is kinda gay. Why would I touch my own ass?”

 

“I thought he was joking. I laughed. He didn’t,” she wrote.

 

As it turned out, the boyfriend “legitimately” believed that wiping “makes you gay” and that “real men just let it fall out and go about their day.”

 

She told him that way of thinking was stupid and incredibly unhygienic — and made her “feel physically sick to be near him sometimes.”

 

Her boyfriend then reportedly accused her of being judgmental and said that she should “accept him for who he is.”

 

“I told him I draw the line at poop. I said if he didn’t start wiping and taking basic hygiene seriously, I’d have to reconsider the relationship.”

 

After she informed him of the dealbreaker, the boyfriend allegedly started sulking and said that she was being shallow, telling her that she was “prioritizing societal expectations over true love.”

 

“He even texted me a link to a ‘men’s rights’ subreddit post about ‘how wiping is emasculating.'”

 

“Now I’m wondering, AITA for threatening to break up with my boyfriend over something as ‘small’ as wiping?”

 

Unsurprisingly, Reddit users flocked to her defense.

 

“Not only does he sound homophobic and like those ‘macho’ men, but he’s a grown a– man with no hygiene and no proper excuse,” one person wrote. “Think about what would happen if you two were to have kids or something. You’d have a whole family not wiping their a–es, it’s disgusting.”

 

The original poster responded in agreement, saying that she “can’t build a future with someone who equates cleanliness with weakness.”

 

She posted an update on June 24 to share that she ultimately ended the relationship — “and it was somehow even messier than I expected, no pun intended.”

 

She explained to him that it was more than just wiping — it was about respect for her and the space they shared together, making her live in “constant secondhand filth.”

 

The Reddit user also told her ex that she was disappointed after repeatedly asking him to change something “extremely reasonable,” but he refused to do “the most basic thing to stay clean.”

 

“He stared at me in silence for a few seconds, then laughed. Like, this weird fake laugh. Then he got super defensive and said, ‘Wow, so I guess you never actually cared about me. This is what ends us? Over wiping?'”

 

“He folded his arms and said, ‘I’m not changing who I am just to make you comfortable.’ I said, ‘I’m not asking you to change your personality. I’m asking you to not smell like s–t,'” she wrote. “That’s when it got dramatic.”

 

The boyfriend allegedly stood up and threw his keys on the couch before calling her “judgmental and shallow,” then packing up a duffel bag with random things around the house.

 

“Before he left, he looked at me and said, ‘You’ll regret this. You’ll never find another guy like me.'”

 

“And I just said, ‘That’s kind of the point.'”

 

The woman said he has since texted her a few passive-aggressive messages, such as “hope your next guy wipes and lies to you about it” and “Real men don’t fold for toilet paper.”

 

“Since he left, I’ve deep-cleaned the apartment, burned a candle, and done five loads of laundry. I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to sit on a couch and not wonder if it’s been in contact with poop,” she wrote, thanking the Reddit community for giving her the push she needed to end the relationship. 

MOM ACCUSED OF EXCLUDING NINE YEAR OLD BOY FROM OUTINGS BECAUSE HE STILL CAN'T WIPE HIS BUM

PEOPLE

 

Mom Accused of 'Excluding' Local 9-Year-Old Boy from Outings Because He's 'Not Potty Trained': 'That Is Not My Responsibility'

A woman claims her son's 9-year-old friend "still needs an adult to wipe him after he poops"

By Angel Saunders  Published on July 5, 2025 02:00PM EDT

 

A mother is catching heat for not including a neighborhood kid in outings with her son’s friend group because the child requires assistance when using the bathroom.

 

“One of the kids in our neighborhood friend group is 9 and still needs an adult to wipe him after he poops. I don’t think that’s my responsibility, so I don’t include him in activities that take us far from his mom,” a user told her Reddit community in a Too Long, Didn’t Read [TLDR] summary of her post this week.

 

She asked others on the forum if she was in the wrong for purposely excluding the child from activities where his parents were not present.

 

“Now I’m being talked about for ‘excluding’ him,” the woman claims.

 

After her TLDR version, the user explained the situation in greater detail.

 

“I live in a close-knit neighborhood where the kids all play together, go to the same school, and bounce between our homes for meals, sleepovers, and activities. It’s a great dynamic most of the time,” she began.

 

“Again—he’s 9. I’m not here to judge his development, but I am saying this: that is not my responsibility, and I didn’t think it needed to be said out loud,” she added after saying his mother “still wipes him.”

 

The user claims the child avoids using the bathroom anytime he isn’t at home — no matter if he’s at school or with a friend in the neighborhood — and has “even had accidents trying to get back home.”

 

Describing herself as someone who’s “pretty active,” the user said it isn’t feasible “to be out in the middle of nowhere and have to wipe a 9-year-old kid’s butt” when hiking, golfing or at a beach.

 

“I don’t think that’s a normal expectation to place on anyone outside of his parents,” she explained.

 

“Recently, another parent vented that they had been wiping this kid, which shocked me. Then I hear that people are saying I’ve been excluding him—and yeah, I have, from situations where it’s absolutely unreasonable to expect me to step in for that kind of care,” the mom continued. “So, AITA for not including him in certain activities because I refuse to take on what I consider to be an inappropriate responsibility?”

 

Despite mixed emotions in their community, most Reddit users determined that the poster is not in the wrong.

 

The top comment read: “Do his parents not give a s--- about predators at all?! WHAT KIND OF MOM REQUIRES HER SON TO EXPOSE HIMSELF TO RANDOM PARENTS ?!?!  The only [acceptable] reason for that is medical necessity, in which case, he needs the appropriate assistance from an approved person. Not whoever he happens to be hanging out with's parents.”

 

While many others expressed similar concerns, one pointed out a different possible issue.

 

“This poor kid is going to experience a lot of exclusion and bullying if this keeps up. With him holding it through school, I'd contemplate calling this in to CPS. I KNOW it sounds extreme, but holding feces all day when you need to go does actual damage to the body - this boy is damaging himself by not pooping when he needs to because he still requires assistance at the age of 9. Pending any developmental issues, this is bad parenting and should be called out,” a commenter wrote.

TOILET TRAINING: TV TROPES

I also found this interesting so here 'tis. 

POTTY TRAINING AND MY WALK WITH GOD

Wow! Here's a fourth post with even more wisdom drawn from the physical toilet training experience. 

THREE SIGNS YOU ARE STILL BEING POTTY TRAINED

Here's a third post, but more focused on the spiritual aspect. 

LESSONS FROM THE POTTY CHAIR

Here's another awesome post along the same lines, but with some different thoughts, as the previous one. And she's Canadian, too! 

A PRAYER FOR POTTY TRAINING

Personally, on my walk with the Lord Jesus Christ, I am big on a couple of things. One is seeing Christ in my everyday life, present in my experiences, working on my behalf all the time, and above all that friend that sticks closer than a brother, as the Book of Proverbs says.

Another thing is that, since God is as described above, He is intimately concerned with all aspects of His followers' lives.

I also happen to think that a lot of things in life can be analogous to toilet training.

It is for the above three reasons I am sharing this post.

It is just so great how this woman knows God cares about what some would call little things like her daughters becoming potty trained and her taking this to the Lord in prayer is right on. The fact that she then draws a paralel between the physical process of learning to use the toilet and our spiritual progress with Jesus Christ as human beings makes this piece extra wonderful.

Here's hoping my fellow believers find this prayer useful, whatever their household situation.

CHANGING SOMEONE WITHOUT REMOVING CLOTHES

Here are demonstrations of how to change a toddler's pull-up, an older child's pull-up, and an adult incontinence product.

DO YOU SAY TOILET TRAINING OR POTTY TRAINING?

Growing up in Ontario, Canada, the process of teaching a child to go to the bathroom was always referred to as toilet training. As I grew up and watched TV, it seemed that potty training was the phrase used by Americans for this, though it also seems I have heard more Canadians, in the media and in real life, use the latter phrase in the past few decades.

I personally use both interchangeably. 

I once read an article in a UK parenting magazine that treated them as two separate things. It had a section about how to get a little one from diapers to a potty, and then another section on how to move them from using that potty to a regular toilet.

MOMMY MOMENTS: IS POTTY TRAINING A DRAG PARTS 1 AND 2

I wouldn't necessarily toilet train my kids the way the host of this podcast did, but its always interesting to hear how different people toilet trained their children. At the time of this recording, the host's grandson was being potty trained so these podcasts are neat to listen to from a cycle of life standpoint, too.

Here's part one and here's part two. 

KATIE'S CRIB: OH CRAP, POTTY TRAINING

"Psychological damage is never done by potty training."

Exactly! In fact, the root of toilet training readiness itself is a myth. Freud never said toilet training too early harms a child. Here's what Freud actually believed and some other information, too.

"The whole idea of not pushing a kid is absurd..."

Exactly again! I wonder if the whole thinking about not pushing a child to toilet train has anything to do with the fact that nowadays we have so many young adults with no interest in learning to drive, move out of their parents house, marry, or have children.

"I have to actually teach him a skillset for the first time in my life and his life."

This was one of the things in Jamie Glowacki's book that jumped out at me, too. Using the toilet is the first at all complex set of skills we learn, whereas, up to then, things like walking, talking and eating have largely been learned through mimicry.    

However, I believe mimicry should be an important component in toilet training as well. Let the child in the bathroom with you, even from infancy.

"There's big pharma, there's big diaper."

Right on for the third time, Jamie!     Kimberley Clark and P&G, prove me wrong by launching ad campaigns featuring people who practice elimination communication, early toilet training or cloth diapering-using your products suplementarily-without portraying them as snobbish, far-out, evil whackos in the process.

"You have a five year habit. That's really hard to break."

"I had a dad that was like "You gotta go really bad. I gotta go really bad."

This brings up what I think is the other key to toilet training, or to preparation for toilet training, besides letting them into the bathroom with you from the time they're babies. Namely, create a potty positive environment. For so many households-though maybe fewer today than in yesteryear-pee, poop and the potty are very hidden things. From birth, talk to the child about what they've done in their diaper. Be open in talking about what you are doing in the bathroom. Even be kind of cheeky and playful about the things you say to them. Above all, children need to get that using the toilet is a normal part of the daily existence of every mature human being and though it is done in private, that doesn't mean its wrong or something to be embarrassed about.

Everybody pay attention to what Jamie says about whether or not boys are harder to toilet train than girls at about the 30 minute mark.

"There's expected behaviour from our kids that they shouldn't be rewarded and we have an epidemic of entitled kids."

Right on #4! As said above, using the toilet is a normal part of everyone's life. The success that comes with knowing how to relieve yourself in the toilet instead of your pants should be its own reward. 

Hand in hand with my above-made point about a potty positive environment, it should be made clear to toddlers that it feels good to pee and poop in the toilet.

Listen to the podcast here.

COME ON, NICKLEBACK FANS AREN'T THAT PATHETIC

Was reading in the March issue of Maclean's, a Canadian publication that used to be a news magazine, about Vancouver Tiktoker Kris Collins, callmekris. The article mentioned this young woman is a fan of Canadian "rock" band Nickelback "even though Collins was in diapers when the group was at its zenith."

The Albertan cancon staples didn't even have their first hit till the internet star, born in 1996, was four years old, and they weren't at their peak, at least  in terms of having successive hits with no break in between, till about 2006. Are you therefore implying, Maclean's, that Miss Collins wasn't toilet trained until she was ten years old? 

Poor parents and teachers. 

THE IMPORTANCE OF WASHING YOUR BOTTOM

Bathing your bottom is important, just like bathing the rest of your body. This video contains a lot of useful information on how to deep clean your bum, especially for women. 

BABY ALIVE BOYS USE THE POTTY

    I applaud these two both for demystifying, for any little girls who were unaware, how boys go to the bathroom, as well as for their attitude toward using the toilet. 

A FEW CHILDREN'S BOOKS

As a child, I loved being read too, both by adults who were present as well as watching TV shows where the hosts read books to their young audience. Here are a couple of videos of diaper and potty-themed books that bring that back.

First, it's "Please Don't Change My Diaper", a book I think will appeal most to children who have baby brothers or sisters.

Next, it's "What is in Your Nappy", a picture book meant for those being potty trained but which I think will also resonate with older children who have a cheeky sense of humour.

 

Then, there's "Sam's First Word" which I like for its cheeky humour, although personally, I prefer the way the previous two books were read, without the exagerated voice and sound effects.

DIAPERS PROLONG BED-WETTING

A lot of bed-wetting goes back to the fact the child was never properly toilet trained at night. Diapers taught the child she could just let go in her diaper whenever she didn't feel like holding it, and now the brain is telling the bladder the same thing when the child is asleep. The child subconsciously knows she has a diaper on, so the brain tells the bladder, "Go ahead, the diaper will take care of it." If, however, the child wets and there is no diaper, she will wake up to the unpleasant feeling of wet pajamas and a wet bed. This will train the brain to tell the bladder to hold it until the brain can wake the child up and get her body on the toilet.

This article from the Journal Nature would seem to agree with me.

THE TRUTH ABOUT STRESS URINARY AND URGE INCONTINENCE IN WOMEN

A lot of the problems with stress incontinence in women go back to toilet training. Most parents mess up potty training by making the child go on a schedule, even when the child insists she doesn't need to pee. Thus, the child never develops proper awareness of when she needs to void, and into adulthood will not realize her body is sending her the signal, laugh, cough or whatever, and have an accident. Either that or she'll be aware of needing to pee but not be comfortable with urination as a part of her life. Thus, she will hold it, laugh, sneeze, or whatever, and have an accident.

As far as urge incontinence: Other parents mess up toilet training by insisting the child use the potty frequently _and telling the child that, if she has an accident, it will be horrifically embarrassing for the child and terribly inconvenient for the parent. Thus, the fear of wetting her pants is instilled and the child grows into a woman who gets seized by the urge to pee every half an hour, feeling like she's going to burst if she doesn't get to the bathroom and often not making it, all out of fear of not getting her bum on the toilet in time as opposed to an actual large quantity of urine in the bladder.

Stress and urge incontinence can show up in men for these reasons, too, but boys tend to learn how to relax and have fun with their stream, if you catch my drift, whereas girls are more likely to be taught to be ladylike and that urine only goes in a toilet.

SOME GREAT WISDOM AND A MESSAGE SO MANY NEED TO HEAR

Another great edifying post referencing an area of life until recently I hadn't heard discussed in Christian culture.

JAMIE GLOWACKI-SOME CLARITY ABOUT ELIMINATION COMMUNICATION

In the last few days, I have been endeavouring to read all the books I have on elimination communication, toilet training, bedwetting, and daytime accidents. (Though that might sound like a lot of reading at first, it's only four books.) I'll write a post here with my thoughts on these issues after I've finished reading the four books, but in this post I'd like to give Jamie Glowacki (and parents or potential parents who practice about elimination communication) about some of the misconceptions Glowacki seems to have about this practice.

I should add that, though I do not have children, I have done lots of research about ec.

First, diaper free time. Diaper free time, is not, as Glowacki says, about using the floor as a new kind of diaper. ECing parents should be aware that diaper free time is used to help the parent tune into the baby's signals, and later to help the baby stay in tune with said signals and make pottying easier. When she pees on the floor, make the cue sound. Continue watching for signals she is going to pee and make the cue sound before she pees. Eventually, she will learn to use the cue sound to tell you she needs to relieve herself. The key word in ec is communication.

Second, elimination communication is not about using everything as a toilet. Parents use potties, improvised potties or allow the baby to reliefve herself outdoors because they are teaching the baby that those are acceptible places for the child to relieve herself. If parents practicing elimination communication are out, i.e. in places where it isn't acceptible to pee, they use a diaper as a backup or put the child in training pants or underwear. Incidentally, many eced children will soon develop the muscle control to hold it until they can get to an appropriate potty place.

Third, the _philosophy of ec is not about getting your child potty trained, or potty independent, earlier than all the other kids. This is often a consequence of the use of elimination communication, but it is not the goal. Again, the key word is communication. The goal is to communicate with your baby about her elimination, keeping her in touch with her awareness of her needs and aiding her in maintaining control over her bladder and bowels. If you are doing ec with the aforementioned wrong goal of being the first mom on the block to potty train, get that notion out of your head. I repeat, earlier potty independence may be a result, but your child is an individual and will do what he or she will.

Fourth, potty strikes can actually be a sign of potty independence. Ingrid Bauer says in her book her son started peeing on the floor again at two and wouldn't use his potty. After a while, Bauer figured out he wanted to use the regular toilet and the peeing on the floor problem was solved.

Besides, you are going to get more potty strikes as a Western parent because not everybody does elimination in North America, as opposed to most other countries where it is the norm.

Granted, the books on ec don't say much about graduation, which, from the little I've read about it, does look a lot like conventional potty training. However, this is still not potty training in the sense that elimination communication itself is not potty training. You aren't trying to get the child to do something she doesn't already know how to and want to do. Potty independence is just about, as with everything else elimination related you've done up to this point, how to communicate the idea of using the potty independently.

Additionally, though I will hasten to repeat early potty independence is not at all the goal of elimination communication, Glowacki does say some eced children are still not using the potty on their own at three years old. First of all, note that some is more than most, so this is a minority of eced children. Second, in such cases, there may be a food sensitivity or some other issue you haven't seen. Barring that, a lot of this minority of ecing parents are probably just doing it wrong and probably pressured their kids to be independent early, the very opposite of what elimination communication is all about.

Glowacki says she doesn't want an argument, but her condescending tone necissitates me giving her one anyway. She's probably never lived in a country where elimination communication is practiced. Otherwise she wouldn't say some of the things she's says. I don't see how elimination communication is any different from the conventional toilet training method she suggests in her book. Since its absolute garbage babies don't have awareness and control, all ecing parents are doing is what Glowacki suggests for the twenty to thirty month set, just earlier and over a longer period of time, and, using eec, you avoid a lot of the issues Glowacki brings up with her own method anyhow.

TEACHING CHILDREN TO GO TO THE BATHROOM OUTSIDE

Getting your children to put their poop and pee in the potty as opposed to their pants is only the first step in toilet training. Another important aspect is teaching them to do it in the great outdoors where there are no toilets and that's what this video is about.